So the toxicology results are in on Anna Nicole Smith's body. Can we say f$%ked up?"

And it reads like some kind of screwed up, Quebec provincial election results, only she was way more liberal with what she was taking.

Does anyone else think Kellogs Quebec will release a new cereal just for the occasion?:

Quebec Krispies: "Now with 20% fewer liberals. Contains no referendum. Now an excellent source of ADQ-41."
Beats the hell out of the "PQ Puffs" we were stuck eating in the 90s, I suppose.

Hey don't knock politics. Anna Nicole was political. Even her death was political. Her meds were political.
She was just exercising her constitutional right to civil disobedience.
She was anti-everything.

Anti-anxiety, anti-seizure, anti-depression, antiviral, antibiotics, antihistamines.

Oh yes, and they found nicorettes, B12 vitamins, and Tylenol in her system from before she took the other drugs. Apparently she was feeling a little stressed out, had a headache, and thought that quitting smoking might be a good idea. The she freaked out, seized up and had a little anaphylactic shock on the side.

If this is what happens when you stop smoking, for god's sake, FALL OFF THE WAGON. What, like you're afraid of a little lung cancer at this point?

The hotel staff would have usually been tipped off by the psychotic episodes and screaming, but she was too whacked out on methadone, valium, ativan, muscle building hormones and Robaxacet.

Yeah, back medicine. Apparently she was riverdancing in her spare time.

Hell of a cocktail, though. I still blame the hotel for not getting there in time.

Their first clue should have been the sign on the doorknob: "Do not disturb - MUTATING".

I mean, what the hell was she doing taking muscle building hormones with her anti-psychotic drugs?

Let's think about this for a second People: I think we established back in the 70's that GAMMA RADIATION was an easier way of turning into the Hulk.

Would it have killed her to at least wear some purple pants to bed?

Oh. Wait.

And the coroner's report labels the cause of death as "accidental" overdose.

Accidental.

She was so full of pills you could have hung her from the ceiling fan and used her as a goddamn piñata.

Accidental, that kills me. Well it kills her but it kills me too... What the hell does it take to overdose on purpose these days?

It must have been the B-12 vitamins that convinced the coroner it was accidental. I mean...vitamins. You take vitamins to get better, right? Can't be trying to kill yourself if you take vitamins... And it's B-12 too, which is for lowering stress levels.

You know, if methadone, valium, and ativan don't lower your stress levels, making your pee turn a whole new shade of bright yellow probably won't do the trick either...

ARGH. AAAARGH!

It's reading week and my eyeballs have finally stopped bleeding from all the reading I've been doing all term.
Naturally this means that today I have to start reading again because I have some serious bleeding on which to catch up.

Before I do this, I want to share something with you, and I promise it'll be the last of this sort of topic for a while. I'm preparing you in advance because it has to do with my daughter, and there's been two posts in a row or so with her as the main focus and I don't want the two people who read these posts to get sick of her.

Not that this could happen (she's ihumanly cute) BUT STILL!

No, this is a rant, and it's only tangentially about her, but you're forewarned. Today, I'm pissed off about diapers.

"Whaaaat?"

Yes. Diapers. You heard me. Specifically the branded ones in pharmacies. See, my daughter's getting on in years, and she's decided at two years and two months that she's going to potty train herself. Go figure. We were just going to wait until she was old enough to fit into Depends and just leave it at that with a graceful transition as Child Services drags us away kicking and screaming about constitutional rights.

So the other day, with no prompting, she decides she's old enough to get rid of diapers. Things never being as easy as they look, after an order of magnitude increase in laundering she's decided that diapers are occasionally ok, but we decided to help her along the way that we would get her some trainer pants.

Hey, it's cool. We tried out the cotton diaper solution, but it's too high maintenance when she's in daycare, and I've never been as green as all that (except when changing the things) so trainers it is.

Except when you get to the pharmacy to buy some, they're always in those revolting and traditional blue and pink shades.

Well, we can deal with that, it's not so freaking bad, but where I had to draw some kind of ideological line was the fact that these things are all branded with nauseating film creatures. Disney has a stranglehold on diapers, and the mainstream brands are all princesses (from about three or four different disney flicks) for girls and Cars (from the movie) for boys.

See, newborn diapers are unbranded and can even occasionally be colour-code free, but the slimy little marketers who run the universe know that a two-year old has phenomenal manipulation power over their parents (oh you have no idea) and an incredibly visual brand memory. So when you see the movie with your kids and then they see the pictures on the diaper package, they'll want that brand while they whine at you for a McDonalds meal where the Kid's Joyous McFeast of the day comes with a movie-branded toy.

Face it, they have you nailed from Inpoot to outpoot. It's disgusting and I hate it. There are laws agains direct marketing to children, but this sort of thing is blatant as well, and the packages areinvariably on lower shelves and upper shelves, because the kids are either going to be carried at shoulder height or walking around floor level. Middle shelves are reserved for the unpopular, generic in-house brands.

And even the no-name brands are guilty of the same, only they don't have the marketing pull that the megacorps have, so they get to stencil less popular shows on your child's crotch.

And guess what? After a certain size of diaper (when you child reaches about 50-60 pounds) the diapers are unbranded once again.

It's because by then they already have you hooked and you're another hopeless cog in the soul-grinding consumer marketing machine. Besides, if you have a 60 pound kid still wetting themselves, they probably feel insecure enough as it is about themselves without having to look down at soggy, distorted crotch princesses all the time.